I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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