I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
