Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
