he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
