there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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