This girl is more easily done than said...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
