it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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