This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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