I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
