You're my little dorito
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
