so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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