I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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