It's Friday. Sex?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
