I wanna passion pit in your ass
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
