Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
