Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize