i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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