it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
