i already hear my dad disowning me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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