Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
