I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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