it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
