We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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