How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know her cup size but not her name....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
