Church boner. Awkwardddd
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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