I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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