I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
