I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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