so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
