Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
