I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
