i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
