i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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