I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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