Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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