I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
