i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
