so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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