guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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