Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
