he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
