I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
