My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
