Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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