yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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