genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
