just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
