he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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