Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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