it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
