thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
