1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dicks are not precious.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
