She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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