He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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