My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
