the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
