Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
