i think my tv is drunk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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