just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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