I bet he comes in French.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
