DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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