I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Congratulations! We have a period
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
