dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
