That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
