It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
