Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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