I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I want her autograph on my taint
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
