MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
