I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
