He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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