My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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