hell yes lets make some ravioli
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
