You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize