just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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