Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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