he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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