I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hippo gnu deer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
