i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
