a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize