and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna fight the coyote
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
