I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
