I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
