Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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